I HAVE A FUCKING LIGHT SHOW DUMBASS!

We always have to use the indefinite article - 'a' dildo, never 'your' dildo.

Awkward Small Talk: The Motion Picture

"Jacksonville City Nights" is an awesome album.

And Gretchen Mol or Judy Greer for the role of Alice, please.

I thought it was a satire of academia. I think David O. Russell would be a better choice for director, considering this book has the same style/sense of humor as I Heart Huckabees.

I wouldn't worry about it, because if you're engaged to be wed and you haven't slept together yet, one of you is definitely gay. And if you're a gay couple planning to get married, don't worry about it, because one of you is definitely asexual.

She begged for her life, detective. For her life, and for the life of the baby inside her.

Bong Mitzvah!
Hit it up, dude!

Tasha, that wasn't a question.

Better title…
Nun, Butt, Man - now THAT'S a book I'd like to read.

You saw how she was dressed, your honor!

You know the first thing they should've taught you at hooker school? Get the money up front.

This is the only book I've ever ripped in half out of anger and frustration over what a piece of total shit it was. It's like reading a Belle and Sebastian fan's pretentious, tear-stained diary. "Catcher in the Rye" this most definitely wasn't. Ugh.