This tragedy knows no bounds.

I love what they did with the Nut Sac Dance.

It's so dense.

And cirrhosis?

I'm still baffled by this article calling it Francisco. It's got to be the most confusing abbreviation of San Francisco, apart from Cis-Co.

(Sousa pun to come.)

Max Payne, perhaps?

It's replacing their old 5-7 million tolerance policy.

I'm Ron Burgundy?

That is a small bit of pleasure I can take from these harassment allegations.

I wish that were true, but there is still a sizable part of the population who craves what Fox News sells, and claims of sexual harassment don't seem to phase them.

He diddled my fiddle. And it's been out of tune ever since!

Using racial slurs?

You'll beg for this level of commentary when Kinja comes to town.

I always thought that Happy and Chubs had better onscreen chemistry than Happy and Virginia.

"Also, the movie that makes you a star is going to suck shit and unleash an awful director upon the world."

You, sir, are a good sport and have earned all of our friendship.

The world is a twisted place.

That's a pretty creative solution.

I hope you trot this out at dinner parties—and, if so, how is it received?