There is an xkcd or similar science comic that gets shared around my circles that explains how a scientific finding gets turned into bullshit that idiots believe.

It's almost like rock is a…teenage wasteland.

Who-oo? Who-oo?

SF and LA are playing the biggest game of "Not It!" right now.

Well, la-di-dah, Mr. Moneybucks, look who has $15 per person to spend for dinner!

It is lighted.

PIZZA HAUS!

That's too clever! You're one of THEM!

That's not the official measurement. The official unit is "assloads" of data.

I prefer the salad. I find that the roughage mitigates the explosive diarrhea.

There's two personal pizza places in Portland (specifically, Beaverton, Oregon) literally two blocks away from each other. I don't know why that particular spot is Ground Zero for modifiable pizza, but I'm not complaining.

Haw-haw, you're going to die! /Nelson

I'm suspicious of barbecue sauce on my burrito.

Never trust a man with two last names.

If you don't have talent, you can just make a sex tape instead!

#NotAllVines

You're like George Costanza. Food and sex have combined into one disgusting urge.

My cover letter for the Pornhub data analyst job might be the most sincere cover letter I've ever written. "Not only do I have the programming skills for this position, I am an avid user of your site."

Everyone look at the Mike Myers stan!

I give out a festively colored assortment of pencils. I've had no complaints. In fact, the children thank me by decorating my trees with toilet paper!