Oh, for fucks fucking sake.

Matter of fact, let's just forget the public broadcasting!

Snowboards and board games! See? A nuclear winter has its good sides too.

Try harder! This is the internet, damnit!

Now on RedTube!

Sheeran and the Lanisters: Keeping the Peace.

…go on…

Is he making the sweet panting music of love while getting fucked? Cause, not to sound like a freak or anything, but I would totally listen to that while taking the kids to school.

He's a job creator!

What the heck is an Ed Sheeran? Is…is that a Street Fighter II Ryu/Ken move?

It's not the size of your yurt, is the motion of the desert!

Enough with the Koch bros. hatred! They would drop off eightballs anywhere, anytime, at great personal risk to themselves! They wouldn't step on their product like the Yayo sisters, would they? If you nerds could get Koch at a better price, then do it! Just leave these delightful drug dealers alone.

So….you're still on the fence about moving in with me? What if I were to tell you lizards taste like chicken that's been dipped in disgusting? Is that something you would be interested in?

Hiram Abiff? Oh. You didn't say free mason. My bad.

Gimmick? That's…what? 36% of the country speaking. With dip in the mouth and a bible in hand.

Well, until that ignorance gets you dragged behind a truck until you're bones. Or until that ignorance gets the shit kicked out of you because you're holding hands with somebody of the same sex. Or until that ignorance gets your skull stomped in because you got a sex change. Ignorance and violence are sadly…

I would love to see that just so I can hear people say "well, why don't white people get a holiday?" Because history and context just doesn't matter when hopping on the misapplied/misunderstood racism train.

You know…you're right. Without Obama, white people wouldn't feel as though they're somehow losing control of the country, despite population numbers. Without Obama, people might still vote against their own self interests without adding the racial undertones cherry on top of the idiot sunday.

Always with the putting children in a boxcar with you. And like I've said a million times, I fully support your agenda, and am willing to donate money towards your vision.

I wish that things will change for you in the next hour, but dodging that falling anvil probably means no. And don't get me started on the falling piano…