None of this will hinder Jenny McCarthy telling parents not to vaccinate their children, will it?

Shhhh. Just let ol' uncle ether do his job and make things better.

**Scott Walker angrily pounds his desk**

Beerfest. It was true all along!

"But, the AVClub ORDERED me to drink all these beers!" is exactly what I'm going to tell my wife…when I don't share a single one with her.

I know! Pretty hot, right?

I mean, to each their own and all…but I do not want to fuck Donald J Trump. Like, even a little bit.

Kinda, but with less murder.

You've got to make your own fun, friend. I say kidnap your neighbors and introduce them to that crudely constructed puppet in your basement. Commence filming and ruining lives.

Fingers crossed!

I've always associated anything Fox with nobility, honor, truth, and basic decency. So this is a real shock.

They all became US Senators?

If by "Prince," you mean Uncle Leonard, then…

Yeah. And my kids learned about sex from their friends, and if their search history is correct, disturbingly graphic pornography. I don't understand what the big deal is.

It gets better! I'm watching FDR: American Badass, not wearing clothes, and have been drinking for the past hour. I love this country.

War For The Planet Of The Apes is what I called my first STD that I got in Chicago.

Wife and kids are out of town, and there's like, 9 empty glue bottles strewn about the house. So, good?

Late start, eh? Sounds like a certain penis-demon is going to have to put in some overtime.

Probably! It was the most exciting part of the playoffs for me!

C'mon, buddy. Even the board of directors of the Paul Bettany fan club wouldn't agree with that, and they're getting paid like a stride mother!