I knew it. He was just a conduit for the aliens to yoke humanity with their devious technology. I'm never using the post office again!

David Tennant. As much as I look forward to being a crotchety old man that would have made the situation more creepy than flattering.

I'd make out with cartoon Robin Hood, I remember having some weird feelings for him, but I don't think I'd let him play patty cake with me.

A couple hit on me on behalf of their daughter yesterday because they thought I look like Dr Who.

The 1021-B fornication authorization form? I hope you send her an notice of intent to initialize precoital paperwork first you sicko.

It's not rape if you're skilled enough that she leaves her boyfriend. Or if she's a rich bitch with amnesia. Basically if Hollywood has taught me anything it's that you can rape anyone you want as long as they fall in love with you in the last reel.

I would totally watch an action movie called Money Bin.

What if they scream profanity and aggressive challenges.

Rigid Legweak?

Not me. I've been taking regular doses of tincture of mercury, on advice from my doctor, along with something my alchemist came up with. Now if only if didn't feel as though everyone wants to kill me.

I don't know. Racists are too proud of the white slurs for it to really work. The Atlanta Rednecks home games would probably just turn into a white power rally.

And everybody has been telling everybody else to shut up ever since.

It's your own fault. If poor people didn't steal due to their low moral character, they wouldn't have to be locked in at work.

Doc, you gotta help me, a contrived premise gypsy put a curse on me. I'll be forced to roam the earth reliving each hacky plot, on a weekly basis, trying to find the cure.

TIna Fey is probably a little weirded out right now.

How about "I'd like to buy the world a Coke," it can be both an invitation to our friends and a warning to our enemies.

Can't she just emulate Nico by giving Iggy Pop the clap or something?

Lucas eaten by stone-age teddy bears.

Lucas strangled by slave girl during daring rescue, successor decides to upgrade to shock collar.

That dog has been sitting all over the place.