Well, to be fair people used to believe that canning food unlocked special vitamins. Now we've learned that they're only good for injecting into your face.

I had that theory too, but then I realized it was more fun to believe I was a part of someone else's hallucination, that way I'm not in control of my actions and I can do whatever I want.

In a legal sense the Lorax is Dr. Seuss' surviving family, and it looks like they realized how much thneeds are worth.

Man. people will believe anything if you say it with enough authority. The best thing about these types of theories is, everything that doesn't agree with the hypothesis is obviously a expert forgery.

I really want that to be an episode of Ancient Aliens since the History Channel seems to think aliens were responsible for everything else.

I'd like to see the Nazis fight back the alien horde the way us Americans can. They'd probably ally with them before launching an ill-conceived invasion of their home planet, instead of allying with them before fighting a series of passive-aggressive proxy wars through other alien races.

Hey! The Patriot was totally historical. It's about the time Mel Gibson traveled back to colonial America and killed a bunch of British people.

I heard the entire history of Western civilization was just a long novel written by De Vere in different voices. In reality the human race only extends back a few generations and everybody bought into this whole "everything we are is the work of countless great minds from all walks of life" idea because we didn't want…

Four out of five doctors agree that Raleigh tobacco has the menthol your body needs to sooth the throat and calm the nerves.

Theater Arts kids don't collect their own bodily fluids.

IIIIIIIIIIIICEBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURG!

Yes. Nostalgically enjoying a children's film is the same level of awful as refusing to believe a black man could be legitimately elected president. Neither of these examples is a matter of opinion that you should just sigh at and ignore.

Really? I find most Americans take advantage of that right. Oh wait, I'm thinking of complaining about insignificant things. Carry on. I'm off to bitch about something until I get it for free or an upgrade.

Everyone in the theater should have a keyboard too, so they can type whatever they want and it'll project on the screen. Plus everyone gets a laser pointer with their ticket purchase.

He's thinking about it, by which I mean he's sitting on his ranch, smoking dope, probably staring off into the sunset and imagining himself as some sort of Spanish colonial governor with a pencil thin moustache.

Thomas Kincaide is to blame for all uncomfortable holiday moments.

It's all part of the "Christmas Arsonist" series.

We don't take kindly to your fancy pants butter mints 'round here.

Those ads make me wonder why these guys seem to have no friends who aren't assholes.

backwoods grammar nazi.