Their bones were periodically broken and reset for maximum cuteness.

I always assumed she had amphetamine psychosis.

Can prophets make water into wine? I know they can turn  water into fire, but it seems like a kick in the face to turn the building block of life into something you can't drink in the desert.

It seems like they just have lights on the sides, like those shoes I had 15 years ago.

Television could use more shows about hilariously desiccated marriages.

What about Funky Winkerbean, about a depressive writer who occasionally travels through time for no reason.

That way I can dismiss everyone's stupid opinion if they can't help me.

It's about the Dancing Plague of 1518. Senora is uncontrollably boogieing  herself to death.

'cause it's too hot during the day.

White people are insecure. We need to know there's no hard feelings for the centuries of social and economic subjugation. And don't try to high five us, we're jumpy and tend to carry mace.

Don't ever go to a borgy. They say you don't have to join in if you don't want to, but when the pants come off they'll assimilate anything with a pulse.

Everyone knows that beavers sound like Dave Coulier doing his "goofy" voice.

I would assume Lucasfilm contracts involve some form of first-born infanticide for those that leak secrets.

That's what, she said.

It's those eyebrows. I dare you to think of Mr. Rooney's twins and not go at yourself like a 13 year-old with time to kill.

You don't look a day over 36 Mr. Fucking Christ. I think an homage to 70s and 80s gay porn be anything you want as long as your fan base won't admit to having seen any.

I've always thought hipsters were just the modern version of beatniks; embracing a subculture without really understanding anything about it. Or that could just be a poser in which case I'm as clueless now as the first time I wondered why the kids are using 40's slang.

-ited States and Protector of Mexico

It probably helps that Lego astronauts don't need to breath considering their helmets tend to flip open in the vacuum of space

You're either all in or all out. The Babysitter's club doesn't take kindly to snitches.