The producers and actors on The Dukes of Hazzard have said that the car got the most fan mail.

You're just not doing it right.

Alternately, you could be named Aden.

I always eat there wearing high tops, a Spam t-shirt, and a tiara.

"A rash of explosions at McDonald's restaurants across the country today…"

The only way to get a fresh burger at McDonald's.

Yep. By law, whatever they're advertising has to be prepared for real. They can surround it with a garnish of rubber tomatoes and fiberglass cake or whatever to make the scene look more appealing, but the sandwich itself as to be prepared fundamentally the same way it would be in a store (albeit with more care,…

Elizabeth Hurley is no killer, but she seems like a piece of work in her own way. Which was more of a disappointment for me, because I wasn't wanking off to Random Task.

I thought pretty much every SNL performer had a Lorne impression in their back pocket. Myers was just the first to put it to use.

"Press 4 if you are Lindy Chamberlain."

When she raises concerns about her finances, he just Schwatz them away.

I can't believe Jon Stewart can take time away from creating all the exciting "digital content" that HBO is paying him millions for.

You should read some of Carson's biographies. In the New York days, McMahon became his de facto body man so that when Johnny inevitably got angry drunk and tried to pick a fight with a stranger, Ed could get him out of harm's way and quickly on to the next watering hole. Ed didn't get drunk when he was with Johnny.

Phineas sez: "Take it from me… that's some dam good cunnilingus!

At least he didn't do something crazy like demanding a million dollars for his fake idea.

And he told it better on Letterman.

Yep, Sean Hannity is always against boycotts, alright. (Seriously Sean, Google makes this shit way too easy.
https://www.facebook.com/Se…

I know, but what I meant was she wasn't really necessary before that because there are other ways to turn trilons. They did it with motors on Concentration long before Wheel.

He let Vladimir see the Big Board!

He gets a rarefied place in the Harry Einstein wing of heaven.