Andy…again?

Chewbacca put the gun in his mouth and shut his eyes against the tears. His life was in shambles. Pictures had surfaced on the internet. Terrible pictures of Chewie high on Benadryl going down on Wall-E at Studio 54. The wukie was giving the thumbs up in the picture and Wall-E had written "SLUT" on his forehead in…

I'll field this one, Ben.

Oh, and thanks for giving Andy that job. He's really excited. In return I won't make that joke about how Leslie's mom wasn't at the wedding, so maybe you murdered her and now you're going to murder Leslie so you can inherit the Knope family fortune.

Ben, Andy said I shouldn't write any fanfiction tonight because it would be mean and this is a happy time. He said because he got a new job, Ben and Leslie got married, I liked Leslie's garbage dress so much, Ron punched Councilman Jamm, Andy and I lived in Ben and Leslie's house while they were on their honeymoon and…

Bruce Willis must have Benjamin Button disease because he looks like a baby.

Um, Andy found a Snoopy Sno-Cone machine at a rummage sale, but it didn't have any of the syrups. So Andy used Robitussin.

Have you learned how to not cry when you watch that animated version of "The Hobbit?"

I've talked to every woman you know (your mom) and they all agree that this kind of thing is the reason they don't like you.

Stop.

IMPOSTER!

Ben asked me to post his fanfiction this week. He sent this to me in an e-mail. This is completely official and he said that anything he says about it not being official is a sign that he's been replaced by a clone.

Dude, stop. I'm just kidding. You know, like I do every day. I'm texting Leslie to tell her to feed you some baby aspirin.

At least Orin has a job, Ben. What's yours? Mooching off Leslie? I pay your welfare. I'm sending this to every employer in the area, Ben. Good luck finding a job.

Hey, Ben, how about you mind your own business? Leslie said we're welcome anytime. Why are you making her a liar, Ben? I thought you loved her.

Chewbacca woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. He picked it up. "Chewbacca, it's Doctor Butt, the test results are in. You have AIDS." What was Chewbacca going to do? The gorilla man walked out into the hallway of the Enterprise. He went to the front to talk to Captain Kirk Picard.