Kesha has never laughed. EVER.

I've thought about exactly this. Here's what it boils down to:

"Hellllooooo . . . . Kesha."

I've gradually moved Seinfeld over into my "Asshole" column, but I'm on his side on this one and laughed at his "who was that? Oh. Well, I wish her the best."

I had no idea that girls started developing as young as 9, so it was a shock when my wife came home with our daughter after a checkup and the pediatrician said to start getting ready. A few weeks later she had her first training bra. But almost all the girls in her class had them by the end of this past school year.

"Wait, they're currently in legal hot water for racial discriminat—"
"WE'LL PAY DOUBLE"

I used to eat sweet tarts until they gave me a sore on my tongue. Then of course when I'd eat more sweet tarts they made it worst. I'd park them right on the sore.

The CIO really thinks this one's gonna work. They've invested $2 billion in it to get it off the ground, inlcuding $75 million in an ad campaign exclusively tied to Guy Ritchie's King Arthur movie, now in theaters!

Roseanne opened a loose meat sandwich shop on the show to tie in with her and Tom Arnold opening a loose meat sandwich shop in real life. This was the beginning of whatever happened to Roseanne IRL got reflected on the show. It's also why "Roseanne opens a Loose Meat Shop" is my jump the shark moment for the show.

Well I'm from Utica and we never called them Steamed Hams.

Well, technically he just doubled down on summer and told winter to fuck off.

Bill Maher's comments were . . . Politically Incorrect.

That pic was devastating to young me.

Clouds of cheese everywhere.

"That was the first, and last, time I picked an actual qualified person to work for me!"

"My ass still hurts! Because of the rape, you see!"

My cover band The Screaming Als can kick YOUR ASSS!

No. It didn't start with "this is worse than that time when . . . "

That's the thing that's really hard to overcome with bugs: you know you're eating bugs. I can feel the antennae or bristly leg or whatever and nope.

That's another example. This was probably an unspoken secret in the comedy community forever, then Fey got wind of it and decided to start broadcasting it however she could. I'm almost positive she also snuck in a line about him being a rapist back when she was hosting Weekend Update.