I'd go lesbian for Kellie Martin.

My cousin explained to me that apparently you can tell which ones are lesbians by the way they tie their hair, or some shit like that. I wouldn't know, I never played on an all-girl softball team.

Well, can't say she's not qualified
Chris Brown sunk her battleship a time or two, or so I hear…

I prefer "Married With Children."

Fun fact, "ennui" is the word I loathe most in crosswords. I always roll my eyes when I realize the clue tricked me again, and it's that bastard-fucking word once more.

Bite your tongue, VanDerWerff…
I'm a really strong fan. Okay, not really "really strong." But there's something in each episode that's enjoyable enough that I don't regret having spent an hour on the show (especially in the time slot vacated by my former #1 show "24"), and I recommend this show to plenty of people,…

Surprised no one's said it yet
Susan Boyle had the handicap of looking like Susan Boyle, but got no handicap points, and look how that turned out for her…

There's nothing optimistic about being caustic.

Oh, I get it…

"0 Reasonable Discussions Are Occurring"
And, on this topic, 0 Reasonable Discussions will indeed occur.

I forget where, but I once read an interesting analysis of zombie films and this whole "slow-moving drone vs. agile predator" argument. The author posited that it wasn't just a matter of cinematic possibility/practicality or budgetary restraints, but that the zombies echoed real-world fears of real-world enemies: in…

Forget Kickpuncher, where's Cockpuncher when we need him? This kid could use a swift fisting of justice.

You neglect the possibility that it could be the progressive act of chocolate eating a jacket, though I would hate to speculate who wins in that scenario.

Freedom costs a buck o'five.

They teuk urrrr GGGGEEEERRRRRBBBBSSSSS……………!!!!

Go friggin' figure.
I knew I should have always taken the ex to horror or action movies instead of fucking "P.S. I Love You"…

FYI, your platonic friend is still married, but we're fucking on the side now, too.

"Aussies are cold as ice"

Oh thank God.
Initially, I thought the headline meant The Onion Store was hocking this schlock. I would have said "fock."

Will and Grace can suck my balls.