It could be worse. Sharon Osbourne had colon cancer years ago, and she could've been the representative face, which wouldn't really give it the jolliest image.

Someone should have told that to The Polyphonic Spree.

As long as I can meet all of you halfway across the sky, it will be the beginning of another lie.

Lisa Marie Presley had them sent!

Skittlebrau or GTFO

She wanted to go with the Tres Leches cake, but she was outvoted.

Throw in a Punk Rock Girl vs Skrillex and you've got a tag-team match.

She'll let you know, after she puts on some deodorant.

It's only acceptable if Ted Danson is wearing a Christina Aguilera wig.

Hey, at least you didn't have an orange tan.

Well, thank goodness my slovenly dollars go to IHOP.

…and in an unsuspecting twist, that MIL becomes the MILF.

She could play Fred Durst's strait-laced, meddling mother-in-law. Everybody wins.

God help us all, should he hover in the same orbit as Louie.

Exactly. Attention-starved Playboy bunnies are more suited to have far, far lower standards.

I can see Kristin Chenoweth as Lisbeth Salander once it hits Broadway.

Somewhere, Hank Williams, Jr is wishing he wrote this instead of "Keep The Change".

They would redefine "tapping the keg".

And if those two white 18-year old girls were wearing Confederate flag bikini tops with cutoff denim shorts

Don't Trust the Cop Rock in Apartment 23