"Okay Jeffersons, sit down. Black Caucasus gets this room back in twenty minutes and I do not want to piss those guys off."

"On Tuesday you have a White House meeting on raising the debt ceiling."
"Unless they try to kick it down the road a few months and hope we get hit by an asteroid."

"Leslie or Dana if it's a boy"
"And we like Linus if it's a girl."
"Okay, that's like child abuse"

"Oh, for Christ's sake! Underage Muslim brides are less traumatized at their unveiling."
"And even they don't have to drink Coke Zero."

I wonder of the "too much of a pussy to go for my pussy" was done before or after PussyGate.

"Is there like a Jew place for dogs?"

5 seasons of Reno 911!.

Before his reveal I was thinking "that's got to be Erlich pulling up".

"I looked him dead in the eyes and said 'I've fucked every wife you've ever had. Care to go 3 for 3?' Needless to say…he did not."
"You don't come as well off in that story as you think you do."

I missed that. I'll try to catch it on the rewatch.

He made the call back in Season 3
"I'll be back. I'm gonna be back as the fucking President! It's "Jonah Ryan 2026"."
"Uh, that's a midterm year Jonah."
"Then I'll change it!"

"Oh, my. Look at those curtains, where can I get those?"
"I made them from my husband's death shroud."
"What a touching tribute"
"No. It was a purposeful desecration of the man who beat and raped me."
"Well, they go with everything."

"What's Qatari for "morning after pill"?…Probably a stoning, which would also do the trick."

"Put Wisconsin at the top of my shit-list."
"You want me to bump Sammy Hagar?"
"Make them 1A and 1B."

"Why did you tell him that?"
"I had to tell someone."

"This goat has an ear infection."

"I'm sure if the situation was reversed you'd do the same for me."
"Absolutely not. I would have let you bleed to death in the street."

"They're going to want to know what's on that gap."
"It's gone. No one will ever find out what's on it."
"They might…if there was another recording. We both know it's possible. I know for a fact that it's possible. I've spoken to Ford. There's a very strong chance that he'll pardon you."
"I don't need a goddamned deal…

"I see why you married the other one."

Periscope does have a dick problem.