Ha ha ha, good one.

I just sprayed Juicy Juice all over my monitor.

Log off. Your moment's up.

Get in my pants.

All you have in your life are empty pockets and a pile of broken dreams. I've got an original 1982 De Lorean, about 15 chicks who are dtf at a moment's notice, and a timeshare in the poconos. Just give up; I've already won.

One time I farted in a theater and the candy blew everywhere.

The Shining? Never saw it. I was too busy desperately trying to convince your Mom to have that abortion.

Ew. Put your muscles back in.

Just because something happened to you doesn't make it an anecdote.

Check out these nuts:

Speaking of which, my girlfriend and I are seeking an experienced swinger couple to do the down and nasty with. Any takers?

Don't bother. 300 pages of a closeted homosexual man* rambling on about banjos. Worst penny I ever spent.

Flagged for racism.

@avclub-f8f8c273f326be25421cc62737d24a9e:disqus Batter up! It's time to get slugged!