Good shows tend to cost a lot of money. Bad shows, too, but a lot of bad shows are inexplicably popular (for awhile). Unless you want "My Dinner with Andre, the Series", which, really, hell, why not? Anyway, it's going to cost a lot of money for stuff most people won't watch.

Sheriff Lobo!

The best kind of eels are the ones that crawl out of the water, over land, then cimb into your bed in the middle of the night and spoon you. Or maybe that's the worst; either way, at least it's not another possum.

Someone is sngry that Jay-Z visited Cuba? I mean, there's a lot of thin-skinned people out there, but on the big list of things to get angry about… no, still not seeing it.

I'm sorry, but that's too far. An all-nude Oscars ceremony in your backyard demands to be watched, and you know it!

They apparently also produced Smash, so we know we're in good company!

No, that's just my Gheorghe Mureșan cologne.

"Zero is a percentage."

Hey now. That's like 60% of my custom "Flag's Enhanced Study Bible for A Brave New America" version (the other 40% is just "Screw Flanders")!

Do people think Obama just grabs to mail from mailbox by the fornt door, and then sits down in the kitchen a reads each one? I really wish our lunatics would think things through before they make themselves look crazy.

Why isn't he on ESPN?

Man of Steel, Man of Kleenex?

Much like how Martian names are spelled riciulously but when read out sound like "John Jones", the idea that the S and "Superman" is just one of those things that's too stupid for words. I know the target market are teenagers who mistakenly think they're clever but Jesus H Christ.

Nerds show those jocks who's boss!
Jocks fail to react.

But can he outrun the Springfield Monorail?

It's because the people have to know!!!

Most movies also don't show shitting on the toilet, no matter how satisfying it might be. Regular, happy, non-drama situations are like dreams; great to have, boring as hell to passively watch other people have. In other words, all those people who seem to have relationships where sex doen't come up in the dialog as…

You can always unbend staples to try to stab yourself to drain the zit. It nev works and you just end up bloody and even less comfortable, but at least people now think you have a massive, dangerous nose-picking problem.

You say that like Joe Buck doesn't exist.

Well, nothing like being in a situation you've always thought you wanted, and then realizing that at a gut level, holy shit do you not want this. Maybe finally getting romantic with a long-term friend (that you suddenly realize will never work), getting that high-stree-high-wage job (that you now realize you will quit…