The calmly bizarre characters were what did it for me, particularly the man "hoping for a reconciliation he knows won't come, since his father has died" (I have to admit to laughing out loud at that) and the "hard-drinking 13-year-old with a pet squirrel."

Witnesses at the scene seemed unified in their confusion as to why he'd removed his pants.

She leaves Irving to reunite with her childhood sweetheart, Hair Man. Tick, tick!

It's easier to understand Gretchen Carlson's cutesy lack of self-editing if you remember that Michelle Bachman was once her nanny and undoubtedly forced her to suckle at her unholy teat.

The other teenage girl's glassy eyes were barely able to concentrate on the TV, which was playing the episode of "Friends" where Rachel gives birth to Ross's illegitimate child. Her crack-addled mind cleared just enough to think, "I should have a baby," as she looked at Robo with an interest that transcended the drugs…

I would watch the fuck out of that, DVR it and make everyone I know watch it, as well.

Well shit…

Here we are, kids: Dipplestrabe 6.

Bugs Bunny: Hare Extraordinaire
ELVIS! Quit scaring the baby!!

Amen! Sad news, but a wonderful re-visit of some great performances I really should watch more often.

Also, the second-to-last sentence of the second paragraph seems to indicate that the series of brain aneurysms she suffered led to her staying married to Roald Dahl for three decades.

NERD FIGHT!!!

And on THAT bombshell…

I was pleased to see Pablo Cruise finally getting some love in a major motion picture.

The correct answer is actually: Thrashin'

It's well-documented that queers will only grow if they're watered with Perrier. Why, the queers in the fields near my house are already well over 5' tall!

Wait till she gets her Hanes on YOU.

I won't spread for no roses!

If you had the ability to time travel, why on earth would you just go back a few weeks?

Just think of the wars that will be wrought within comment threads, where Hipster A maintains that he only watched the original ironically and each spin-off has gotten worse, while Hipster B says they didn't hit their stride until spin-off #4, which is the only one REALLY worth watching, and Budding Hipster C accuses…