Queen Padma gets more interminably bitchy with each successive episode.  Seriously, fuck her.

Plus, it suffered from a near total lack of shots of Lizard Man God King Steve Ells shedding his skin and tasting each contestant's bite with but a flip of his phallus-like tongue.

They both pale in horribleness when one considers the Metal Machine Music Chef Show.

Well, shit.  First it was Ricky Gervaise, now it's Tony Bourdain.  When will witty, talented people start to realize that, if history has taught us anything (besides the fact that you can kill anybody), said wit and talent are finite, and so maybe let's don't agree to appear on every other damned TV show on cable…

Let me just say this:  If I had a time machine, I would travel back to 1989 and totally attempt to do Ilene Graff (if she'd have me).  Holy god, was she a little hottie (he said, barely suppressing the drool)!

A-fucking-men!  Preach it, brother/sister!

@avclub-8c6dcc4e048cbce98d9881c6880303e1:disqus, Queen Padma pretty much said (croaked?) the opposite last night on WWHL.  She said that she sussed out that Josie was responsible for fucking up the dish, but since it was Kristen's concept and she was the executive chef, it was ultimately her responsibility to keep the…

So you're saying that someone actually writes up reviews for this show on this site on a weekly basis?  You're pulling my leg, aren't you?

She still could.  Thanks be to the gods.

Egads.  I find that I truly, viscerally despise Josie (sorry, Chef Josie) on an elemental level.  If he makes it to the finals, this will officially be the last season of Top Chef I waste any of my time on.

Who is this "Metallic" you speak of?

No, no.  I'm fairly certain it's a "sounder" of assholes.

RIP TAYLOR

It's a man's life in the British Dental Association.

It's a man's life in the British Dental Association.

No nomination for John Hawkes?  The fuck?

No, goddamn it, no, you indiscriminately chuckling key grips, best boys, and various and sundry other Today Show crew members:  Despite your best efforts at proving otherwise with your all-too-easily-solicited guffaws, Alphonse Roker is NOT FUCKING FUNNY.  In the least.  Full stop.  (&cetera.)

If this actually gets done, I call first dibs on Emilia Clarke.  You know, to comfort her in her time of sorrow.

No.