I'd like to see a ban on handguns and assault rifles but as a realist I know there no chance in hell that will ever happen.

There's a lot of arguments I hate from the pro-gun nuts but owning a cache of assault rifles because they need to protect themselves from the government might be the worst. It's such a paranoid delusion that really speaks to how their minds operate.

Someone in the CNN comments section said something along the lines of "he ran over people with his car. why aren't the dumbocrats calling for vehicle control?!?!?11!1" and I had to remind him that we do have vehicle control. It's called a license. You have to take a class, have hours of practice, and pass a test…

Oh god, why did I read the comments?

Hey, pal, did you get a load of the nerd?

Remember that show where they put people on lie detectors in front of their friends and family and asked them revealing questions and all they had to do to win was tell the truth? That was some crazy shit.

That scene is already one of my favorite scenes this show has ever done. Everything about it was perfect.

The AV Club
That improvident lackwit?

I'm sure the manual will indicate which lever is the velocitator and which the deceleratrix.

I thought is was going to be a finger from someone he murdered and that killing was his way of "opening the valve".

The only good thing to come out of this is that it gives me a reason to start drinking.

See ya real soon, kids!

If I didn't know that line was from a Simpsons episode I would just assume it was a Rush Limbaugh quote.

Arrr, not a quarter. He'll be dancin for hours!

I hope not. They're the only thing that makes me feel superior to people who are way smarter than me.

I'm sure the manual will indicate which lever is the velocitator and which is the deceleratrix.

I can't remember. I was born in '88 so I literally grew up with the show and my parents were cool enough to let me watch it even at a very young age. For me, The Simpsons has been something that's just always been a part of my life.

The AV Club
Nothing more than an incisive observation humorously phrased and delivered with impeccable timing.

I know a genuine Panaphonics when I see it.

You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate and re-vulcanize my tires, post-haste.