I hate you.  (Not that I'll have time to read NOS4A2 until the summer, but still.)

Heart-Shaped Box is totally silly but a lot of fun.  20th Century Ghosts is a fantastic collection of shorts that reminds me a lot of Roald Dahl's work for adults.  And Horns just completely destroyed me.

But for ten to fifteen dollars a month?

If I'm not mistaken, she WAS a lesbian circa 1995.

The Devil and Bill Markham has been performed on stage a couple of times (most notably as half of an evening at Lincoln Center called Oh Hell), but as a monologue, not a proper adaptation.

A while ago.  Chloe is Chloe Dykstra.

Copiously?

Counterpoint: "Away When You Were Here."

Poor Darren Jessee.  His name even scans the same.

Caine-Hackman Theory, anybody?

I thought that was what Person of Interest was for.

If Labyrinth were set in Narnia and Narnia were outside of Portland, then yes.