Sounds like the actual universe we're living in now.

OK.
…He did seem like kind of a badass to me…

I've never read the books. I know you and many others could tell from the trailer that this would be terrible, although I didn't mind it. What stood out to you?

Now THIS is the movie that should have had Halle Berry, chasing down her kid across Mid-World in a minivan.

"Ventimiglia played Stallone’s son in 2006’s Rocky Balboa, and the This Is Us star apparently called in the favor."
Yeah, Ventimiglia sure did Stallone a big favor by agreeing to appear in that movie.

Not when you write, apparently.

Just wait until you hear by Benghazi opera. The "Emails Chorus" is a real highlight.

Oh, right. I could only think of Sing.

And then you screamed like Howard Dean.

Wait, what animated movie has he done that's good?

Now that I'm older, I can understand delayed uprisings.

Catwoman

I like how the billboards around town for this movie make sure to point out that Berry won an Oscar.

Robert Browning?

The AV Club comments section turned into an episode of Night Court so slowly, I barely even noticed.

Heffalumps.

Possibly. I guess we'll have to ask him if he loves the way he looks.

Robin gives him his tail?

I was going to make a joke, but I got distracted by that picture.

Polythene Tiffany