Sarah Palin IS Diana Moon Glampers. You have been warned.

You mean "the color purple"
Isn't what you get from a really grippy hand job?

That's what Slans wear. Doncha pay attention to the Box of Paperbacks feature?

Hey Grant, what's wrong with a hairy (hirsute to boredlady) coffin/vagina?

Jorge, stop calling me Surly.

No, no, no.
You can't use "Sleepy" for a dwarf name. Gotta update, avoid litigation. Make the names germaine. Randy for the horny dwarf, Harry for the hirsute one, "W" for the retard.

You Watch
Next they'll have an electric Snuggie.

That can
I'm getting "Shake Well Before Using" tatted on my d0ng

We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl
How I wish you were here.

Dick Lee, isn't punch in the vagina messy, and leads to yeast infections?

Man . . .
This many discrete comments tells me there's a lot of trolls and lurky-loos on this site. You people should speak up more often. Have all the Rev. Chauncey Grizzly clones chimed in?

@Banmar - don't feel so bad. Looks like I'm about 9 years older than you but your firsts weren't bad. I'm more of a hip-slung colostomy-bagger.

My favorite saying in high school: "Let he who is not stoned cast the first sin."

At age 12 signed up for Columbia House and got Grand Funk (the one with Locomotion), The Guess Who (the one with American Woman) and Olivia Newton-John (the one with I Honestly Love You). Her music sucked but boy could that album cover entertain.

I always perv "Chantilly Lace" by singing "A wiggle when you fuck and a giggle when you suck, make de world go 'round!"

I'm thinking …
Mayer has one of those "sixth" fingers. Either that or his nick is "Oscar".

F.U.C.K. -
tell her I love her.

Because it's the shits when little Cindy Lou Amishfraulein goes to play "Where is Thumbkins?"

Vulgarity Etymology
I always assumed "tapping that ass" was related to tapping a keg, i.e. of beer or wine. In both cases you are inserting something into a hole, although the direction of fluid flow may not co-incide. At any rate if you're really hitting the "ass", then bungholes are also involved in both instances.…

Bacon should be cooked at 300 degrees - less chance of trichinosis, you know.