I can't tell - are you serious or kidding?

Did she tap the crossing guard with her white cane?

*Axl pulls clown nose off*

I think I got this game toward the end of Atari's reign when you could get any Atari game for around $2 at Kay-Bee Toys.  Man, I ended up with so many crappy games because of that.

Only the mongtarded ones.

And how exactly do you hang an elephant?

Well said @StoneColdStephenFAustin:disqus, for I was utterly speechless for a moment there.

Stephen Hawking is a good ventriloquist.

How about O'Neal, I'Neal?

Oh Samsie, what about The Life Aquatic?

To paraphrase Carlin, they'll do everything they can to protect a fetus, but if it grows up to be a doctor, they just might have to kill it.  And by 'they', I mean the crazy people shooting up/bombing women's clinics.

Well, as long as Whoopi doesn't take a cue from Lindsay and start thinking she's Josephine Baker.  I don't think I could handle that pictorial…

That's why Airplane! > Mulholland Drive

No one should ever say no to Alyssa Milano topless.  Although I reserve the right to take that statement back in another 20 years.

@avclub-f14314bf4d4a1bd450664f089241fe86:disqus , if I remember right, there were already humans on Earth when they arrived.  So there is only a very small bit of machine in humans because of the little hybrid girl that ended up in National Geographic.

*begins mid-life crisis*

You think punching a horse in the face to get it off your foot is abuse, I suggest you never go see a wild horse race.

Sounds like you'll have to reorganize the punch cards.

I don't know about that.  I'm glued to the TV.  Purina simple.

Ok, I'll give you those. But as your comment a few replies down says, there are so many turds in that collection that it makes me forget about the few gems.  Turds are more the rule than the exception.  And the law of averages also implies that the sun will shine on a dog's ass some days.