Had to drop it as new drivers don't know where 10 and 2 are on an analog clock. Or what "analog clock" means.

So, "the incomparable Liam Neesons" wasn't just comic hyperbole.

All his typing is fruitless, because he won't let up off of the CTRL key

Tell me, what do you think of the traffic problem? What do you think of
the marriage problem? What do you think of at night when you go to bed, you beast?

Noticeably absent: any portrait of Bear Bryant.

"There was something special missing from Billy's bowel movement. I've pooped in Billy's house, it was spectacular, the best poop. Many people have said it was the smoothest poop they've ever seen, just a very, very tremendous crap."

Lots of movie stars are liberal, at least in the U.S. sense. The Oscars are basically propaganda (although it's more "What we do is IMPORTANT*, goddammit" propaganda, not really political propaganda, although sometimes a little political propaganda too). So . . . technically, they're right about the "liberal…

That's not "eating steak." That's "desecrating the concept of human enjoyment."

Spike Lee's family

In all fairness, he was David Niven.

Hey, that's MY birthday! Bring that back!

I mean, that's technically true. It's just not true in the way he'd mean it, which is fucking maddening.

Yeah, let's give some white guy a chance to be gracious and respectful on a major stage! That'll show 'em! What a dec- I mean dipshit!

Ted Koppel is a ROBOT.
TED Koppel is a robot.
Ted Koppel is A robot.
Ted KOPPEL is a ROBOT. There. That's how Ted KOPPEL would say it.

Tom Brady knew what he was doing. That mattress didn't deserve that. No mattress deserves that.

It could also just be a deep cut In Living Color reference, although YMMV on whether that changes the funny/unfunny dynamic of the joke.

It's "Jesus Christ it's a lion!"

Go fuck yourself, San Diego!

Just watch Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult already! Then you'd know how these things work.

It does feel like an astounding coincidence that it would be these two movies at this particular time, but I'm kinda glad La La Land didn't win, because Christ it just looks insufferable. Also I think Moonlight is probably the only BP nominee I'm interested in; I saw Arrival, but the "twist" and the resolution were…