O I GET IT THEY PICKED THE WORDS AND IT'S FUNNY CUZ WOMEN

"Why? All he said was 'Buy my book! Buy my book! Buy my book! Buy my—'"

"Where is Alfonzo Ribierro when you really need him???"

"Bring out the rappin' granny!

Mariah Carey throws her higher register at the notes like old Italian women throw spaghetti on the wall to see if it sticks.

My vote goes to I: that Spencer said that Al was lucky that he was saved by Jesus or else he would have ripped Al's head off. After having been baptized by Stephen Baldwin the previous… week, was it?

You appear to have misspelled "Sheriff Lobo."

Tony Sinclair looks like a goddamn sharpei in those commercials.

They please to aim, Curtis.

Friend at a camp I went to twelve years ago, referring to her and her boyfriend: "Our children won't even know what a TV is."

This was originally going to be a post filled with puns based on his "oeuvre," but I just can't be arsed. Can we pretend it was simultaneously hilarious and insightful?

"Jay-z was sued by Diamond Dallas Page for him appropriating the diamond hand signal."

The headline on this morning's NY Post: "Hung Fu."

I've got $20 on the NY Post. I expect to get $22.50 when I win. The odds are that good.

"You've been accused of performing open-heart surgery with a plastic knife and fork from a seafood restaurant."

It was the whole "conventionally unattractive people are only taking up valuable nutrients that rightfully belong to our supermodels" thing combined with the disingenuous "boy, she sure showed ME something" tone that Britain's Got Talent took with this singer completely "unknown" to them after rigorous and frequent…

Also, taunting Brian Epstein's homosexuality until he cries is a mini-game!

I was thisclose to forgetting that the guys behind the Bacon Explosion are getting their own book, but it popped into my head as a result of that list. Thanks for nothing.

"Do expect at least one non-rerun."

God, I just LOVE Black Friday Eve.