I got dp'ed by Ving and Wesley in Tahoe back in '96 at a boat show! Hint hint, Westley really is quite "taxing" but I call Ving "Pud Fiction".

I had a scene in Money Train! I was "Passenger With Tits" and I got to scream and everything. I was on screen for, like, fifteen whole seconds. Granted, I had to fuck, like, three different production assistants and a lesbian casting director who smelled of old shoes and vagisil, but it was totally worth it!

Jim Breuer is a jerk. I told him spitting on it once wouldn't be enough lube for anal but he goes ahead and shoves it in anyway! What's worse, he said he'd get me connected with some big-wigs at NBC but I can tell the fucking difference between Colin Quinn and Lorne Michaels!

@Kings - I'd spent the whole night trying to hook up with French Stewart (for some reason he just didn't seem interested) and it was getting late.

If they need a sexy Mary Todd
I'm available!

Trust me. That doesn't work as well as you think it would.

Don't get me started…

I had a chance to sleep with Seth McFarlane in '97
But I went with Tom Green instead. I though HE'd be the ultra successful one!

I did. In `98. His semen tastes of nutmeg. PLUS that part he got me in "Hard Rain" got cut entirely!

Man (Jones): Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go commit suicide.

There are snow days and there are snow days
Darrly Strawberry and I had a very pleasant snow day in Saint Paul on Memorial Day, 1996. Sadly it snowed a little too much and he couldn't 'step up to the plate', if you know what I mean.

@Corbin - Yeah. But not as much as I remember when You, Michael, Rick Dysart, Alan Rachins AND Debi Mazar (with that hella-huge strap-on she was so fond of) ganged me at the LAX Marriott. I was shitting funny for a week you asshole! And that part you promised turned out to be the understudy for Snow White at Disney…

I hope you don't mean Jesus Garcia Del Rio? That son of a bitch still owes me $1500 for that bachelor party in Tahoe. Not only that but he lied when he told me Aaron Spelling would be there.

@Gimick Post Editor - I don't know what you're talking about.

Which Baldwin?
I know I slept with a Baldwin aroun 1997 or 98ish, but for the life of me I can't remember which one.

Shit. I asked him about that and he told me I was thinking of Matt Frewer!

Poor Artie
Artie did an eightball of coke off my ass in the prop room on the set of Mad TV… At least, I think it was Artie. Maybe it was Will Sasso. I'm a little hazy on the details because I was facing away at the time.

I WISH!

Dwight Schultz
I met Dwight at a party at Michael Bolton's house for a New Year's party in 1994. He explained to me that he played something called "Howling Mad" Murdock on a show called the A-Team. So I blew him in the linen closet; swallowed and everything. I was so pissed when I asked if I could get on the show and…

I thought Patty Smyth died of some kind of cancer.. or was that the singer from the Waitresses?