Hey, that hard cider's not gonna sell itself!

"Almost conventionally exciting" — The A.V. Club

If you don't look at him too long, Skinny Turtle looks kind of like that Hoyt dude who was totally banging that hot redhead vamp on True Blood! Right, bros? But he's not, bros! Ohhh YEAHHHH!

Marco Polo, a.k.a. The Viewing Suggestion That Distractingly Pops Up At The Start Of The End Credits Of Every Fucking Thing I Watch On Netflix

"Well, that was even more depressing than I expected." — me, operating under the mistaken belief that THAT was the season finale. Whew!

Doesn't Glenn Beck remember that if it’s a legitimate rape, Mr. Cosby has ways to try to shut the whole thing down?

Amazon detects that your Echo has been turned off. Your order can not be processed.

One of the most deeply rewarding nerd in-jokes in the history of the show.

Alexa, can you keep a secret? I'll take your silence as a yes. Here comes Daddy!

If only there was someone we could ask!

Today: "I'd stop torrenting HBO shows if they offered me an a la carte option"
Tomorrow: "I'd stop torrenting HBO shows if the a la carte option was better"

And "warter ice," at least according to Paul F. Tompkins.

D'oh! And I totally should have gotten that since I'm reading "Bonfire of the Vanities" (I'm so current in my lit) and "piece a shit" is basically one character's mantra.

ENERGIZER! IT'LL SURPRISE YA!

Oh, you mean sulking, pouty, passive-aggressive Hoyt? Active-aggresive I'm-gonna-facepunch-Jason-for-something-that-happened-years-ago Hoyt? "OK Jess I'll begrudgingly do you the favor of letting you heal me" Hoyt? Nope, can't foresee any relationship problems down the road with that slab of perfection. Yay for the…

Extra points for transcribing the correct number of syllables. I can no longer hear (or even read about) RHCP without that playing in my head.

They spent the rest of their career wishing they'd gone with Goo Goo Clusters. At least people like those.

Word, Al!

To be fair, The Fifth Element is kind of crap.

He-e-e-e-ey, how do I know these weren't just worn by the intern? I'm going to need to have these notarized, Ms. Juggs. IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME