Them dumb cowboys! Aliens show up and they just start a-shootin their guns off! Alls they dotta do is say "GO HOME!" and we all live happily ever after! Except the Injuns. And the Chinamen. And the Messicans. And the Niggras. And the Irish. And the miners up yonder in Ludlow. But the cowboys…well, no. They just end up…

Something about Jane Austen's face reminds me of…a gerbil.

Their spaceships are fueled by gold! Gold!!! GOLD!!!!!

I watched a blazing red sunset over Big Stone Lake; there were some dead cottonwoods in the foreground with cormorants roosting in them and as they stood drying their wings a big flock of pelicans swooped in and made the water ripple like the silken robe of Salome fluttering by candlelight. I know you hipsters tend to…

AHAB: "You get your period yet, Starbuck?"

Actually, whales are mammals.

Pie-rats or Rat-pies?

He ain't black. He's cinnamon essence.

I knew I wasn't the only apotemnophiliac around here.

I think this is what they call "Dada."

I don't know about Mayo, but I think ketchup is a little too spicy.

I feel like I should contribute something, but to be perfectly honest, I'm cumming perilous close to running out of seamen puns.

You'd think they'd have a look of sheer terror on their faces when barbed hooks are lodged in their gills, but no, they just stare innocuously into space. Grasshoppers don't even flinch when I pull their legs off and say "Looks like you're a grassCRAWLER now!"

The John Berryman Memorial Suicide Bridge in Minneapolis is where it's at.

Please, Harvey. Don't make that sound.

Yeah, even the strippers are covered in big green Catholic iconography.

^Only it's conscience was.

Right here. I'll sell you twice for the two of once.

Road to Perdition was his best film.

Don't forget, he was in Home Alone, too.