??? I'm a little giddy right now. (Would like to thank you guys for all the goofy hopping around you enabled me to do back in college.)

Sorry, but Kid Rock's "We were tryin' different things / We were smokin' funny things" couplet is the worst thing anyone has ever said in any song in any genre in any era.

*Weeps, tilts.*

But then unknowns couldn't hurl unqualified invective at knowns.

DONTFORGETTODRINKYOUROVALTINE

YES, except: "Epic Ohio thrash band."

Luke Superman is my porn name.

A. If there are people out there who DON'T love Lucas, I don't want to know them.

THAT WAS NO PENCIL.

But "Football in the Groin" has a football in the groin.

40 is the new 60!

I was also 14 when the New Universe titles were released. It seemed like Marvel had been running full-page ads in every book for a year before. I remember flipping through some titles at the drugstore, uttering the first of life's many "Meh's," and grabbing my usual X-Men and G.I. Joe.

Back to the Future doesn't exactly get how photographs work.

I held my mom's hand when she died in 2009. Incredibly profound to witness the entire process, with the end result that I'm no longer particularly afraid of it. It was all so natural.

Skunk PEOPLE.

Sanchez' fist pump during the "too high" lyric is the most perfect single second of television I have ever seen.

She has man hands too, but NOBODY MENTIONS THAT.

IT'LL BE HERE IN FIVE MINUTES!

VICTOR RESPONDED IN NO SUCH MANNER, LILY!

GOD HATES BAGS*