Just last week, in this same space, I sang the praises of…cum. This week, to cap off five days of…cum…I'm back to salute…cum." ~ A.A. Dowd

Mike D'Angelo posted on Twitter that The Past is an 82! And not an A! Usually he clarifies but he did not this time. This is not a coincidence! Ever since Scott Tobias left, everything has changed! It's different now! The clarification between Cannes A and a true Mike D'Angelo A used to be my favorite part! That's…

"When it comes to…masturbation…Christ…is…just another…hollow provocation." ~ A.A. Dowd, The AV Club

"Black…women's destination is a wooded island…on a secluded rock surrounded on all sides by freezing cold water…running for their lives through the…bloodshed." ~ A.A. Dowd, The AV Club

"…adolescence…centers on…handsomely unkempt…boy's…excitement…gazed upon…over five and a half hours…while falling in and out of…on-again, off-again squeezes…." ~ A.A. Dowd, The AV Club

"When can we talk about…preteen…love…it's hard not to…blow…a…Guy" ~ A.A. Dowd, The AV CLUB

"…Who fucking cares about…children…who died of cancer." — A.A. Dowd, THE AV CLUB

The face that Paul Giamatti makes is the face I make whenever I go to the Onion AV Club now that A.A. Dowd has taken over. Who is this man? And why has literally no movies good come out since he began?

When Scott Tobias was in charge of The AV Club, we did not have these kinds of movies. Now that A.A. Dowd is in charge, it seems like this is all we have.

There is something in the air indeed because you, sir, are no Scott Tobias.

I submit to you all, this is a "B-" review being passed along as a "C+". Again, you, sir, are no Scott Tobias!

Some people say Iceman can't beat Pyro. That's bullshit. Pyro uses a flame thrower or preexisting source for the flame and he controls it from there. Iceman has the ability to control the moisture in the air. Even if there is very little moisture in the air and Pyro has a giant flame thrower, I think Iceman is going…

"Every party is a bacchanal—"
Ben Kenigsberg likes it bacchanal.

You, sir, are no Scott Tobias!