So I'm about to be shoved into a witch's oven, and I said to myself, Hansel. Haven't you been smoking gingerbread for six days straight, and couldn't this all be in your head? And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to the Middle Ages.

Do you only read the second paragraph of articles or something? Plenty of short-story writers are mentioned (the same ones that probably got mentioned immediately in the comments of the original Gawker piece, if you wanted to subject yourself to Gawker comments.)

IO9 has some good writers working for it, but it's still awful to read in aggregate. Deadspin is terrible, but I'm cool with it because it's exactly what sports media deserves.

For Our Consideration:

You're in the Colbert Report studio?

Is this a Voigt-Kampff test?

Through the set of every movie in Hollywood on the way to eat that adorable bunny?

Hollywood is misrepresenting South Boston? I did nazi that coming…

Then you are truly lost… in the glare.

You are tearing me apart Chewbacca! I should have let the Wookiee win!

You are tearing me apart Chewbacca! I should have let the Wookiee win!

The parts that really go for 'scary' are basically the 'just slightly unreal and yet creepy' ideas that prey on paranoia. Like how The Matrix came up with that explanation for deja vu, and then it makes people wonder if we're in the Matrix too.

I picked "We Didn't Start The Fire" because bands these days need to learn how heroic Baby Boomers are for valiantly reading newspaper headlines for 40 years.

He just wants you to tour his goddamned chocolate factory!

Yeah, that was a really weird episode of The Magic School Bus.

@avclub-b20754d0f1e8ae843e00a8b39a667112:disqus Not according to his twitter account.

Why does some terrier get a cushy hospital job while Annie's Boobs got fired from Animal Practice? He has monkey med school tuition to pay back!

Herman's Head gender-flip reboot?

Is this a TV adaptation of A Serious Man?

Supernatural coyotes are extreme prima donnas. Never try to get them to share a trailer with their co-star.