People talk to me about Duck Dynasty just because I have a beard.

….worth it for that alien getting sucked through that tiny hole in the window. That's probably the funniest thing in an action movie I've seen that wasn't meant to be funny.

I just hate Cubert….and Flexo.
I think that's the only two characters I hate though.

Lol
"Hey. That's my last beer! I'll kill you!"
"I'll kill you too buddy."
(takes sip of beer)
(Bender begins strangling him)

No Momma, Please! Don't weld me to tha wall!!!

"Hank Rutherford Hill! You are laughing at a fart joke!"
(pauses)
(continues laughing)

What am I psychic?
Oh! Yes, yes. They'll probably let you use it.

So, we're all going to ignore "The Honking"?
I even enjoyed that episode for a few moments in it but, it was definitely the worst of the original run.

In 3rd Grade, my favorite musician was Charlie Pride….I wasn't listening to the music at that point. I was just looking through my mom's old cassettes and picking out my favorites based on appearance.

I think we're the same age.
I was in the 6th grade in 2000 and I went with Gore over Bush because, "Bush looks stupid".

His plan AND his death scene.

Try and stop him.

Rick Shapiro didn't even have credit card debt!

Do you think Young Bobby even knew he was gay? Because, it is something that needs to be realized, sometimes. It's possible that older Bobby just never realized that that was something he would enjoy more and just stuck out the straight thing.

You have no clue how hard it is…

…which means he'll surely die at 96.

My parents have free range chickens. My dog liked to kill them. We had to chain him up. Even with the whole yard to work with, they still somehow manage to stumble into the one quadrant where death is assured….weekly.

Suing isn't the american dream?

I'm just glad that facebook hasn't decided to tell my friends how desperately lonely I am….they totally could and they know it.

The Daily Show was like me stretching for The Colbert Report….now I don't know what the hell to use it fer!