Nathan, I've been recommending the same movies for two years, but here I go again:

Also, whoever sings "Woo hoo" over and over again in "The Sweet Escape." Please die, you.

This Isn't That Different From Mad Men!
They both focus on parental legacies, cultural standards, and… Um, well, they both have pot.

This Isn't That Different From Mad Men!
They both focus on parental legacies, cultural standards, and… Um, well, they both have pot.

What, Do You Say, Boll Fans?
…

Burton's work through Mars Attacks is unimpeachable, but the last 15 years of his career have shown only faint glimpses of his early genius. Pee Wee's Big Adventure is one of the most visually inventive films I've ever seen. Corpse Bride is not.

The forehead tap seems like one of those actorly gestures that timid directors are afraid to correct. One wouldn't that from a Rob Bowman episode, but maybe the actress's relationship with the episode's writer caused him to restrain his criticism. The entire performance shouts "I'M ACTING HERE!" and makes the scenes…

If you want to skip a lot of bullshit, pull out after "The Ghosts Who Stole Christmas" in season 6. The rest of the season is uneven. Follow popular consensus to determine which episodes to watch. Do the same for at least the seventh season. You can end it right there or carry on into season 8, which is actually…

*Reads passionately from nonsensical work of political theory*
*Builds army of mechanical strawmen*
*Sets army lose on the polis*
*Offers cunning solution to problem posed by strawman army*
*Masturbates with baby tears for lubrication on national television*
*Is pilloried*

My favorite, because it is true, is EVERYTHING DIES.

Lot's incest babies were cursed. The only unpunished fucking in The Bible is in the Song of Solomon and the church has considered axing that one for years because of its graphic descriptions of the texture of wool.

The point is, 17-year-olds have sex. Hell, some people have sex when they're 13. But we can see human limbs torn off such that geysers of blood flow from the nubs, but we can't see people doing the same, perfectly natural thing we're doing at that age.

Some Americans are so patriotic they want a Three-Way Freedom Hug! But America is scared of them.

SEX IN A MOVIE?!
What are we, French?! *Hides eyes*

THE GOOD LORD JESUS CHRIST WANTS YOU TO SEE THIS FILM!
Oblige him, America! Do your civic, Christian duty and give money to a movie studio!

I Use Your Identity to Vote for a Candidate You Do Not Suuport

Ladies and Gentlemen, Ghostbusters 3.
The ancient people of Middle America spoke in their legends of a film that would ignite the zeitgeist into such magnificent incandescence that the seeing would be made blind and the blind would again see. Ghostbusters 3 is that film. Its screenplay has been composed painstakingly…

This opens at the arthouse here in Lexington tomorrow and promises to stay put until around Christmas. If you're nuts for Jesus and/or horses, this is the film from the writer of Pearl Harbor for you!

HEY, EVERYBODY! IT'S THE GUY WHO WROTE PEARL HARBOR!
*Eats popcorn* *Watches*

Every work of art is a text if you've had your head up criticism's ass long enough.