Your mother is a man, baby?

"Voom! Voom!"?

I will one day have John Heard; I know it.

It's actually just Any Which Way You Can and 33 alternate cuts of the same film.

I only drink MacCutcheon.

LD is right. When I was a teenager, I would've loved to have gotten individual songs from soundtracks without buying the damn records. Of course, they would have likely been the worst songs on those records, because I was a teenager.

"…"

The towel problem would be eliminated entirely if golfers just wore kilts like they're supposed to.

Host: ….
The Professor: So, …
Host: So, did Gilligan and the Skipper ever, like, make out together?
TP: No.
Host: Well, how about nude sunbathing. There had to be some of that.
TP: There wasn't.
Host: …
TP: …
Host: …So, what are you wearing?
TP: (The sound of a palm striking a face.)
Host: …
TP: (Cries.)

In zero-gravity, the Uro-Club only works if you have an erection.

Among Mike Love's other favorite drinks are Satan's breastmilk and babies' tears.

His greatest admirer's most covered song's original lyrics were, "Scrambled eggs/ Oh, my darling has such lovely legs."

He actually recorded several albums in the 70s as a favor to his wife. They're released under the name "The Wings."

This while she made you take it in the ass.

My fiancee's nephew is recorded singing 'Kokomo' adorably, so I can't hate that song, despite its loathsomeness.

Much less loved is their 1963 B-Side, "Surfing Nude with Little Boys."

Alas, one cannot witness oneself aglimmer with one's fuckton without instantly blinking out of perceivable existence.

Can you beat a man to death with a Uro-Club? If not, I suppose you'd at least be giving him syphilis.

You can piss in a caddy's mouth just for keeping your mouth shut about seeing him smoking on the green. Machine can't dab with its tongue.

I know, Edked. the above post explained the myth; I just blamed it on Dan Brown as part of my ongoing quest to make fun of Dan Brown every time I see an opportunity.