(MORT peeks out from behind a stray femur. Says, "Fmmk Mnoo!" at @avclub-edbad24171a2ce92bfe684766412d7cc:disqus )

BAZOOKA JOE: Hey, Mort, why are you lookin' so scared?
MORT (through turtleneck): Mr mfr mr MG MRFGIN MNGR MMMMT MMmmMND MMNNOoo!
BAZOOKA JOE: What?
(BAZOOKA JOE is crushed by debris as Godzilla rampages through East Bazookaton. MORT survives by hiding under JOE's corpse as pro-Godzilla militants rove the wastes,…

TEACHER: Bazooka Joe, why are you peeing all over the classroom floor?
BAZOOKA JOE: I should ask you the same thing.
TEACHER: But, I'm not peeing all over the classroom floor.
BAZOOKA JOE: That's why I didn't as - Oh, shit! You are! Look!
TEACHER: Oh, goodness! What the - I didn't realize I was peeing. Oh, god. What's…

TEACHER: Bazooka Joe, use "Bazooka Joe" in a sentence.
BAZOOKA JOE: I can't feel my legs. I think that dirty jerry got me with a bazooka, Joe. Oh, god. Momma. Oh, momma I miss you. Oh, Jesus, forgive me for what I did to that little girl. Oh, momma! Momma!
TEACHER: Fuck you.