You could blow up your T.V. throw away your paper, go to the country and build you a home. Plant a little garden, eat a lot of peaches & try and find Jesus on your own.

Does "reality show" mean that Oprah gets in Lindsay's face and says, "Shit's about to get reals now!" really loud? That would be cool.

Hey, it's just a trailer. That scene could lead into a hardcore sex scene where Oprah reveals her BDSM alter-ego Mistress Harpoon and teaches Lilo that bad girls get punished when they're naughty.

How far can it be from making movies called The Canyons to making movies like Christy Canyon?

"I wish I was a coke whore
Just like my dear mama!"

Who doesn't love Dimebag, may he rest in peace?

The you get an even more horrified look when they realize you're telling them you love a movie about people who become sexually aroused by violent death.

Have you actually seen Forrest Gump aka The Amazing Adventures of the Magical Redneck Retard recently? I kept thinking I was watching a mislabeled Monty Python movie, until I realized Roger Rabbit was playing for cloying sentimentality instead.

Forrest Gump was soo unremittingly stupid and offensive that after the movie was over I almost went and took a dump right in the front of the theater. I figured that if the director could shit all over the screen, I could too.

Forrest Gump was essentially Being There made by retards.


PS Any Southern kid named Forrest was likely named after Confederate calvary hero - and noted slaver - Nathan Bedford Forrest. Think about that.

Do the books take place in Oddworld?

"Am I holding a lead pipe in my right hand, or not? I can't tell!!"

You know his real name is Dean Cunts, right?

Why did I get the strangest feeling I just read a review of the movie version of John Dies at the End (replete with portal in the back of a taco stand, errr, ranch-style house)?

I would start with The Knockout Artist, one of the greatest books ever written. Period. From there Feast of Snakes is a classic.

Mercy Mercy Me (The Statuary)

He said cousin-fucker not sister-fucker.

ElDan = "Worked in sideshow under the name 'Benji the Dog-Faced Boy'"

That sucks. All the kids I know are in adult-contemporary bands.

In Soviet Russia, Без труда́ не вы́тащишь и ры́бку из пруда́