…Under Armour is planning to expand the cup size range for their athletic supporters beyond the normal "youth" and "adult" sizes.  A spokesman intimated that there is a lot of untapped potential for the "elephantine" protective cup—even if most purchases turned out to be gag gifts.

…A general practitioner suffered what ultimately turned out to be fatal injuries while in the process of administering a simple physical examination.  It seems his last words were, "Please turn your head and cough."

In related news…

Sorry, sir, you'll have to check those…they won't fit under your seat or in the overhead bins.

Why is this guy always sitting next to me when I'm flying coach?