I say push the envelope: "A Very Dunphy Kwanzaa."

"Imagine Me Naked" needs to go on my next Valentine's Day Mega-Mix CD.

Prepositions are sexy
"You look hot enough to cook a pizza on…..in…"

Sarah's lower-back dimples are the just the greatest thing ever. If she was in that get-up and doing that ass wiggle and asked me to elope, I'd say yes. If she asked me to stab every member of my family in the face, I'd just ask which knife she prefers.

"Is the show supposed to be realistic-funny? Or is it supposed to be surreal-absurd-funny? "

Keep in mind, it's not so much that all the citizens of Pawnee are wacky, it's that people of any city who attend a town hall meeting to discuss a Parks Department time capsule are, by definition, out of their fucking minds.

Lloyd, I want to write and perform a rap about you while sipping 40's in a convenience store parking lot.

I teach at a university and yes, we teachers give nicknames to the students which is even more horrible and mean than when students do it because:
1) It's the English department and we have bigger vocabularies - so you know, more mean adjectives from which to choose.
2) We then go on to give bad grades to the people we…

Is it to damn much to ask…
…that my computer UI look like the ones at the Massive Dynamic Doomsday Machine Expo Center? Even as a screensaver? Hullo? Anyone?

Look, I admit it…
…I would happily watch Natalie Portman get ear-candled for 90 minutes (and the internet being what it is, I imagine there's already a fetish fan-site set up for precisely that scenario). But Kutcher? I just don't get it. Eating one of Natalie's used ear-candles would be preferable to enduring…

Yep, it worked. We did this with Iowa licenses when I was an undergrad (I went to a bar this evening and when I read the sign that said "21 and over" I realized that since I'm 41, I have been over 21 for 20 years…and that just kinda fucks me up). But yeah, in the late eighties, you could make an Iowa license from…

I agree. And let's pause for a moment to give the writers credit for making it pretty obvious that when the kids burst in to the room, Phil was at the helm of the bobsled. They could have wimped out with a tame bit 'o missionary.

It just occurred to me…
…how much Luke looks like he really could be Julie Bowen's kid. And he fucking killed it tonight. Somebody get that kid an Emmy or a fresh lighter or something.

Joan Rivers, Sarah Palin and Steve Doocy…
…three shrewish bitches I care nothing about.

On the wide shot, I think I saw "breathe" scrawled on her palm.

I find you fear of losing your dignity a bit odd. Sure, when I was younger, I worried about that all the time. But over the years, my pride has been beaten like a particularly ugly rug. If my dignity could talk, it would sound like Leon Spinks.

And I'm pretty sure he meant the super-soaker was the teacher of the year (by the way he patted it) and not him. Which is precisely the way it should be.

I've been a teacher for 18 years…
…and Luke is my damn hero.