I can't be the only person who gets REALLY depressed at how old Mrs. Krabappel sounds these days, am I?

"Get eur ass back to Eurasia!"

"Get eur ass back to Eurasia!"

Laurence of Pewsey was by far O'Toole's worst performance.

"Three legs, four thighs and two ding-dongs! That, my friends, is one nasty bucket of chicken!"

This doesn't surprise me. That fact that the Marlon Wayans/David Koechner fart-stravaganza is apparently AS GOOD AS the Josh Brolin/Sean Penn period crime thriller, however? That does.

Those don't have to be mutually exclusive ideas. Dan Slott absolutely does not deserve to receive death threats, but his run has been a sharp decline in quality from Amazing Spider-Man immediately following "Brand New Day." You can write a good story about Doc Ock taking over Spidey's body and destroying his life, but…

Dan Slott was pretty good on that Great Lakes Avengers series, I liked that. His Spider-Man has been kind of not very good, though.

And heeere come the pretzels!

"This is Rob Thomas! From Matchbox 20! Rob, sing him a song!"
"…"
"SHUT UP."

Goddamn it, that 90's version was putrid. They spliced that new footage of the cemetery zombie even though the actor was clearly about four pants sizes bigger. And who the hell thought it was a good idea to add that preacher character who literally strokes a cat like Blofeld as he cackles about the coming zombie…

Planetary is the Unified Theory of Comic Books, and if Ellis never does anything half as spectacular as it ever again that's okay.

Planetary is the Unified Theory of Comic Books, and if Ellis never does anything half as spectacular as it ever again that's okay.

Transmetropolitan never got any better than its first and second years, and that's a shame because "Hunter S. Thompson 2099" was a much better concept than the kind of dopey sci-fi political thriller it became at the end.

Transmetropolitan never got any better than its first and second years, and that's a shame because "Hunter S. Thompson 2099" was a much better concept than the kind of dopey sci-fi political thriller it became at the end.

We'll see, I might be way off. Even so, I'm much more interested in what Hickman would have to say about that than Ennis by a longshot.

We'll see, I might be way off. Even so, I'm much more interested in what Hickman would have to say about that than Ennis by a longshot.

What?!? But Peter Parker is a highly successful research scientist with numerous patents and the capital to build specialized battle armor for any possible scenario! I can't BELIEVE another writer would so blatantly ignore Dan Slott's vision for Spider-Man!

What?!? But Peter Parker is a highly successful research scientist with numerous patents and the capital to build specialized battle armor for any possible scenario! I can't BELIEVE another writer would so blatantly ignore Dan Slott's vision for Spider-Man!

It seems like Hickman already has the emotional peg of his Avengers run figured out - it's laid out at the end of issue #1, with the anonymous narration. "So we assembled. How could we not? We were Avengers."