As long as we're making AV Club changes, can someone please get Natalie Dormer to stop calling me? I followed all of the dating advice and I can't shake her!

We have always been at war with the comments.

Yeah, I think the one issue with Sean mentioning how small the active commentariat is actually obscures that fact—I came here for the comments, repeatedly, long before I ever started commenting.

These writers have a genuine knack for lapidary sentences like that, and Hans' last line, "It's okay. It doesn't hurt at all." It was foreordained.

I was expecting a repeat of Oleg's advice to Nina to fool the polygraph.

*whispers* I'm with you. I think she's totally magnetic, and some of that will come with experience. Right now, she's got a Leonardo di Caprio vibe, where I can see her acting as acting.

Genuinely surprised no one has gone with the ::Harry Crane runs out of the room, wiping his mouth:: joke here.

I would have gone with, "It's not ketchup. It's a time machine."

Look, I'm simply not going to complain about the diegetic Jock Jams soundtrack every time Maximus entered the gladiatorial arena.

Dish.

"No, you're commenting about the elderly, if you wanted to comment about the elderly, you should have commented in the pet care article."

Damn right, I can still recall his, "Stand down, captain!" crystal clearly in my head.

"Mom, my hand is killing me—please stop demanding that I punch the massive salad bowl!"

As soon as Tuan was introduced, I was like, "Why didn't they get Hans for this mission?" And now I have my answer.

Jon Stewart spoke up afterward, asking whether the town council had ever addressed police brutality……on weed??

Uh… [shuffles papers]

…Miranda? No, wait, Charlotte!

I can't! I've got a journal manuscript to submit today!

Blazing hot, unsupportable take: Girls and The Walking Dead are mirror universe, inverted versions of one other.

I aim to please! Unless you're a kulak, of course.

The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles. And then the murders began.