You're hired. Where shall I send the giant novelty check?

You're hired. Where shall I send the giant novelty check?

I dunno, but as one of the participants in that record-breaking second-week gross, I'd sure like my $11 back. I wanted to love this movie. Instead it was faintly silly and surprisingly boring. Some good banter and a few great visual jokes didn't really make up for 2 1/2 hours of generic action.

Eh. Memories of Maurice Sendak make it really hard to care about this. Clifford sucks. I read all the Clifford books as a kid, and I have zero nostalgia for them. Look at that shitty drawing up top. Fuck Clifford.

@Djur:disqus - granted there are some odd digressions on all of those albums, but I still don't agree that they lack for accessible songs. Just looking down the song list for Hello Nasty, all of the following seem easy to snap your fingers to: Super Disco Breakin', The Move, Remote Control, Just A Test, Body Movin',…

There are lots of lines from Hello Nasty that are permanently wedged in my head. In no particularly order:

You are wrong now, and you will be wrong again.

This seems wrong to me. Hello Nasty seems like it should have more mass appeal than Licensed to Ill. So does Ill Communication. Maybe Check Your Head too, although I admit I am so blinded by love for that album that it's hard to view it objectively.

When the opening riff of that Ryan Adams' song starts up, all I hear is Detachable Penis.

Humor is hard.

Hey, I'll be that guy — The A-Team sucked huge balls. That said, Sharlto Copley was the best thing about the movie, and the tiny bit where he did the South African accent totally made me LOL.

In my memory, the wife smokes the pot and the Dad T. Nelson reads the Reagan bio. Is that right? I think the idea was that she was the former hippie love child attuned to the astral energy coursing through her seemingly sterile pre-fab suburban idyll, and he was the striving '80s yuppie more concerned with impressing…

Well, he had this to say about Larry the Cable Guy:

I don't really get all the hate O'Neal directs toward Netflix in general, but this is just ludicrous. Ideas are completely worthless. Reed Hastings didn't "have a good idea". He built a hugely successful and pretty awesome company. Remember all those years when Blockbuster and Amazon and Wal-Mart were going to crush…

Yep. I hope they don't mess with the story too much — it's not like it ends in a shootout, and really the most emotionally compelling stuff happens after the kidnapping is resolved. Still, I'll take this over a reboot of the Mummy. Then again, why choose!

I fucking love Gene Parmesan, and find his schtick is a lot funnier than Steve Holt's. I'm just not sure we need an internet campaign around his character. Although it could make for a pretty hilarious ad campaign to have him pop up unexpectedly in various Youtube videos.

This certainly has the potential to turn deeply pathetic, but I actually think it works in a way that, say, a "Save Gene Parmesan!" campaign probably wouldn't. Steve Holt was a one-joke character who was dumb and inoffensively self-promoting. Already halfway to meme, the actor could ride a winking campaign to internet…

No, it's pretty much just women. There's a small carve-out for obese male actors who undergo radical weight change. Somehow I don't think that if Jonah Hill were the male equivalent of Anne Hathaway, commenters would engage in long arguments over his fuckability.

Only one I remember is Ronnie Raygun, which I guess qualifies as topical humor.

I'm sure it's unfair to judge a movie by its Facebook app (I also can't believe those words make a sentence), but the tag line "Bros. Badges. Bad Asses." does not inspire confidence.