Halfway through reading this, I asked myself, "Why does this article exist, and why do I care?"

Big Magic Dick would destroy them all.

As punishment, he should be forced to box a kangaroo.  Or kickbox an emu.

The drummer in Tygers of Pan Tang was named "Big Dick".  Big Mike got nothing on Big Dick.

"Yer just like yer mother, boy!  Ye can't take a punch!"

Wake up LIBTARDS!!!  Obveously it was President Adolf OBUMMER put a stop to producshon!!!  SANTORUM '12!!!!!  WE WANT OUR COUNTRY BACK!

The only games worth mentioning are Mousetrap, Zaxxon, and House of the Dead on Sega Saturn (John Woo-style with two light guns, of course).

I might pay one to stab himself in the leg with a fork.

As a social worker, I could describe my entire caseload  in Garbage Pail Kids:  Odd Todd?  Got 'im.  Special Ed?  Yep, got 'im.  Scott Snot?  Oh yeah, I got 'im.

Oh, she'll respond, dude.  Once that biological clock starts winding down, she'll respond.  And remember: she's a woman, so her response, while being completely irrational, will make perfect sense to her.

I had totally forgotten about Baxter's side job as a missile-defense consultant.  I'm so glad you reminded me.

So…Oreos are made with PORK?  Well, that goes a long way in explaining why I was such a fat kid.

Hah!  Try being a social worker and watching "I am Sam".  I will never forgive Sean Penn for that stinker.

Look, all's I'm saying is that if the dude doesn't like green eggs & ham, just leave him the fuck alone!  My developing childhood brain could wrap itself even less around this concept, and thus Dr. Seuss read-a-longs were incredibly frustrating exercises for young Mr. Teas.

Oh, I've got your superstring…RIGHT HERE!

I zoned out halfway through the review.  Does anyone else find Dr. Seuss really fucking annoying?

HAHAHAHAHAHA!  Oh shit, I've never felt like a worse human being.

I second that.  That priest ruled.

They should do a Sleeping Beauty remake using Coover's Briar Rose as source material.  The descriptions of decades and decades of untended menses would translate well to film.

I usually read Cosmo.  I like the articles about menstruation.