Bananas are good in every way
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Something Admiral Akbar joke.

Fair warning: I may steal that bit.

"Fifty-four degrees on a slightly overcast day. Weatherman said rain. If you could get paid that kind of money for being wrong sixty percent of the time, it'd beat working."

I'm married. Mine does. Sorry for your luck.

Why was she so hot? Did they not have air conditioning?

*sigh*

Yeah…….Fury Road was awesome.

Saw them open for Slowdive last October, and they put on a great show. Excited to hear this.

I first read that as 'I like to have my cake and eat poo.'

I saw an interview with Norm MacDonald about how his comedy was trying to get to a place where the punchline was the whole joke. This joke seems like it's almost there.

It's definitely the best of the three I've heard so far.

I once danced with Gentle Herpes. Caught chlamydia.

I'm a pretty big Chem Bros fan, but everything I've heard from this new album so far has been…meh

Except that you don't have to hate yourself to recognize privilege. I have a pretty great life, and I don't apologize for that. It doesn't mean I ignore the deeply entrenched problems this country faces when it comes to race.

I know you're trolling, but I'll bite: In college, I was pretty dumb. I broke into a waterpark in the winter, and friends and I went sledding. Until one of us broke his pelvis. The police came along with the ambulance. They arrested us, and then let us go. Aside from the annoyance of a fine, and community…

Probably what is happening to religion itself.

I suspect that a Trump presidency would be akin to going to see a bad movie that is supposed to be funny bad, but just ends up being depressing bad. Trump wouldn't implode the country, he'd just make everything slightly worse and embarrassing for 4 years, and then we'd realize we all just wasted 35, 063 hours of our…

Umm…..pretty sure that only white people will be wearing that costume.

No, a trans porter is the person who carries a trans person around, possibly on a luggage cart.