Unless you're Mike Piazza.

Foxcatcher in the Front, Poker in the Rear

Also, "whoever tries to call me from 9:00 p.m. to 10:15 p.m."

They call him Edmond Dante's Inferno for a reason.

That was a mistake. A&E actually meant to cancel the hors d'oeuvres.

Except for maybe a little film called Titanic.

Combien de bites ont été à l'intérieur de votre mère?

Rent it on Amazon the next day, pretend you haven't seen it.

You're probably gonna be watching TV and you'll see your ex on Charlie Rose and she'll be like "I faked every orgasm".

Mark Hamill is spinning in his grave. I know he's not dead, he just lives in a grave and likes to keep in shape.

I cried at the part at the end where he sat on the stump as an old man.

@avclub-f8665a36d5a911922da81a12443887ed:disqus Yeah, Elisabeth Moss will leave the church and file a missing persons report, but it'll just be publicity to peddle her new autobiography, A Rolling Life Gathers A Lot of Moss.

Giver The Heave-Ho

Women hate derogatory nicknames for their vaginas.
#DeepCut

I like the idea that Taylor Swift doing a breakup song about Tom Cruise will result in her being kidnapped by Sea Org and never seen again.

In that order?

That's why Christopher Plumber is such a good actor.

You haven't visited her YouTube page?

Kill. Fuck. Marry.

FUCK. THAT.