These are the party dayyyyssss!

Hit me with a dime. But all I got is nine dollars. I gotta get a blunt with this here, man.

Are you holding?

Actually, it's for guys who are into immortal women.

The appropriate age to stop being angsty is 28. But then you have to start again when you reach 71.

The good Dr is so excited, and he just can't hide it. He knows, he knows, he knows, he wants to see Tony Danza in a good movie.

That, and though I know the wheels of justice turn slowly, how is this investigation still ongoing?

And Nicolas Coppola wanders the streets of Europe vowing to fucking die in the name of honor.

The latest news from Carthage: Traffic was terrible this morning in downtown Tunis.

I heard Melanie Griffith's mom was blacklisted in Hollywood because she knowingly fellated several members of the Communist Party.

If only there were some kind of "afterlife", where he would be judged by a higher power and punished to a degree commensurate with his misdeeds for all eternity. But there isn't, so there is no downside to him being a total fucking asshole.

Aw, hell. I do not meet the minimum requirement of a high school diploma and two years of relevant vagina experience.

You can imagine the difficulty I have attending mass.

This gimmick has legs. You're turning the mirror inward, and I hope that we use it as an opportunity to confront our own fears and vulnerabilities.

We had to divert half of our infantry troops to fight The War on Women.

At last, something to talk about with my tailor besides the inappropriate erection staring him in the face.

That movie ruined a perfectly good method of luring for an entire generation of deviants. These days you have to use a fake wheelchair to lure women into your Chevy Equinox.

Yee Yee, I wanna get briefly intimate with you. But not romantic.

I wonder what the cast of The Real World: London is up to these days. Probably being well-rounded adults or something.

It used to be about the sleaziness. Now it's all about the money.