I have a theory that you can make a pretty good generalization about a state based on nothing but their two senators… works most of the time!

KT is so far from funny - he's probably to blame for not hiring a funny black woman.

It's like the old joke " The food here is terrible!  And the portions, so small!"

When you talk about Ron Paul, you have to call him "Dr. Ron Paul", cuz that makes him sound less nuts.  Thank you.

I think sales of the next one will have something to do with the quality of this one.  That's just how my keen analytic mind works though…

You can't vote with your hands down.

Good enough for me.  It's as close to finding out as I ever need to get…

Oh, I'm pretty sure using "idiot" and "audience member" together is redundant.

Or he blew a donkey which blew his brains out.

Actually fights wolves?  I'm in….  But they're going to need something to fill the other 29 minutes of the half hour show.

Ironically I'm sure

I do like "Todd VanDerWerff’s wry distillation" but I prefer Templeton Rye distillation.  Just a personal preference…

Hey everyone!  Mail's here!  And we got something from Amelie!

I think your joke should go-too

Sconn?  Is that you?

Best Newswire in a long time.

If he's going to take everyone that ever snarked on him, he's gonna need a bigger spa.  Like the size of New Mexico…

Kind of reminds me of when my ex-wife would tell me she was feeling dizzy.  I'd always ask how she knew.  She'd laugh and laugh… good times…

Sconn, sconn sconn.  You really are amazing.  You just find the best in people don't you?  I mean, you really have no sense of humor what so ever, but you're SUCH a sweet person.  Really.

You a new boy here Balltease?