I hope it's me.

Wyatt, I stopped reading these once April stopped commenting. There seemed no point, like most of life.
I would like to have known my destiny.

I was satisfied to get a mention. My latest performance piece has not been as well received by anyone as well as it has by April.

Moo.

Pleasant, Wilkins? Death will come for you first.

Does your wife want me to return the rabbit suit?

Thank you.

You will still die.

As do I, particularly April's dark erotica.

Wyatt, why have I previously seen this attributed to someone named "Gordon Cole-culator" at the Black Lodge message board?

Greetings, Wyatt.

Yet some of us prefer to remain alone, in darkness until summoned.

Wyatt, why did your wife not take the option of the Blood on Satan's Claw tour while in London?

You ignore me as you do your own mortality.

Andrew, this is the most erotic of these yet. Were life not completely futile, I would suggest you are fortunate to be bound to such a woman.

Andrew, when I agreed to lend you my extensive collection of Jack the Ripper biographies, I assumed they were being used for a more sinister purpose.

Moving, April.

Buffy Summers, but you overlook the original wampyr of cinema, Count Orlok?

Did you really think they'd give you the position over a man who can control animals…with his mind?

You don't get anything. And you never will.