I learned how to properly sleep on a couch from you. Even Homer Simpson agrees. For this you deserve a lifetime pass.

The Last Watchable Steve Martin Movie:
Shopgirl, which also starred Claire Danes's butt. That was 2005.

Isaac Hayes in Escape from New York.
Forest Whitaker in Panic Room.

Bloom County > Doonesbury
Are the old Bloom County collections out of print? I'm stoked I still have them all.

One Very Good Reason to See Zack and Miri:
It's Katie Morgan's mainstream debut!

I bet you've never breathed air either.

Moland Spring?
We've got to do something about that name.

I recall reading somewhere that Carpenter went behind the director's back and punched up the gore scenes (which seems contradictory to the way he handled the original), supposedly so Part 2 could compete with the other slasher flicks crowding the marketplace at that time.

Have you ever seen The Devil in Miss Jones? That's a helluva porno. And it has a real plot. And a moral! Also, anal.

Tobe Hooper's remake of The Toolbox Murders was pretty badass.

Cake-like
Has anyone ever heard Kerri Kenney's band Cake-like? She and two other other broads were in the band, they sounded like The Breeders on a lot more drugs. They put out three albums, the first one (Delicious) being the best (I think it was the first release on John Zorn's label, but I may be wrong on that). …

Was it the hot tub scene that Carpenter directed in Halloween 2?

I'd replace In the Mouth of Madness with Escape from New York and In the Mouth of Madness with They Live.

I can top that. I paid to see Memoirs of an Invisible Man and Village of the Damned in the theater.

Enjoying horror movies are a way to experience and be entertained by things you would never ever want to experience in real life. In a horror movie, usually horrible things happen to usually good people. I'd never want to be stalked by a masked killer for real, but I'm entertained by make believe dumbasses getting…

I'm a Diehard Carpenter Fan…
…and even I can't make any excuses for his output after They Live. Ghosts of Mars was okay (yet highly derivative of The Thing), Vampires had some moments, and In The Mouth of Madness was good up until that godawful ending (Carpenter just does not do endings well, but that one invalidated…

Peanuts
I can't image anyone disliking the comic strip Peanuts. Who among us hasn't at one time or another felt the pain of Charlie Brown? It's a great introduction as a kid to the fact that sometimes life sucks and all you can do is yell, "Good grief!!!"

A Tale of Two Sisters
I had no idea this was the remake of A Tale of Two Sisters. Which is a goddman shame, the original is creepily great.

If I Want to See Liam Neeson Play a Bad Ass…
…I'll watch my dvd of Darkman.

Any of Peter Jackson's pre-Lord of the Rings films would be perfect for this column. Dead Alive is arguably one of the best horror comedies ever, and Bad Taste is almost as great. Meet the Feebles is worth mentioning since someone who is such a revered director made a practically X-rated muppet movie. And The…