Every Dane Cook story should be accompanied by a screencap of

Looks like Elijah Wood melded with Out of Sight-era Steve Zahn

Looks like Elijah Wood melded with Out of Sight-era Steve Zahn

It's like, how much more white could this be? and the answer is none. None more white.

It's like, how much more white could this be? and the answer is none. None more white.

I just remembered, I should be leaving work to "vote" now

I just remembered, I should be leaving work to "vote" now

there are so many bad movies in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is
just going to cave in. 

there are so many bad movies in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is
just going to cave in. 

Maybe that's why I like you, HipsterDBag. I've never met anyone who made being a son of a bitch such a point of pride.

Maybe that's why I like you, HipsterDBag. I've never met anyone who made being a son of a bitch such a point of pride.

My favorite part of The Longest Day in light of Saving Private Ryan was Mitchum jogging across the beach holding a pistol and occasionally ducking his head an inch or two, that Mitchum "don't give a shit" face (you know the one!) never wavering. No wonder we won!

My favorite part of The Longest Day in light of Saving Private Ryan was Mitchum jogging across the beach holding a pistol and occasionally ducking his head an inch or two, that Mitchum "don't give a shit" face (you know the one!) never wavering. No wonder we won!

I watched American Horror Story film a scene involving a tour bus across the street from my house and Connie Britton was there. "Maybe she'll see me," I thought. She didn't. That's all I got.

I watched American Horror Story film a scene involving a tour bus across the street from my house and Connie Britton was there. "Maybe she'll see me," I thought. She didn't. That's all I got.

SPOILER ALERT

SPOILER ALERT

I will see the living fuck out of this movie (at home, on Netflix streaming)

I will see the living fuck out of this movie (at home, on Netflix streaming)

this dude always makes me think of Cyril St. John