I can't wait to see Aaron Eckhart put the "abs" in Arab Spring, coming to Fox in April!

Mummies.

"Meesa" may have caused some inattentive readers to mistake Cookie for some Jar-Jar gimmick poster.

Deschanel is also working on the screenplay for an animated film about an Easy-Bake Oven that gets lost in a polka dot factory!

If the Obama presidency hasn't fixed racism, this should basically do it.

The most terrifying thing about rocks, I think, is that they have no sense of empathy.

TV Party

[runs through the streets screaming hysterically, wearing only nipple clamps]

Also, can we see who downvotes us? Presumably not, which would mean we can't see who upvotes?

"We shall overcome…"

Hmmmm, Mario Lopez shattering his pelvis on a balance beam.

Those were the days. I'll never know just how many scrambled elbows mistaken for boobs got me off.

One pint of diarrhea.

Thanks to Cinemax, I cannot maintain an erection during real-life intercourse unless I wear special soft-focus lens glasses and blast the fan so that the sheets billow romantically.

"Seriously. Key Grip, Best Boy #2, whatever Mr. Bay."

Did he have a wiener?

I saw this coming years ago, with America's unhealthy investment in Sub-Prima Donna Homo-Loans.

Men are always leaving the toilet seat up because of how we pee!

1870s or GTFO.

So I haven't really paid attention until now. She's like a slightly less effeminate Justin Bieber? With like 7% Vanilla Ice mixed in. That's her thing, right?